The reason I am putting Max’s book on my website is that he represents one of the many young people we have supported and I think he can be a role model for others who may feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Max’s book shows all of us that there is always hope even through the challenges. Max kindly agreed to write this blog for us. Here is a link to the book:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Still-Here-Max-Toper/dp/1800491352/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=why+is+he+still+here%3F&qid=1610394391&quartzVehicle=842-813&replacementKeywords=why+he+still+here%3F&sr=8-1
Wouldn’t it be great if we succeeded every time? If we didn’t need help? If we were self-sufficient? The idealist in me wants to believe that—at least partially. Fact is, we don’t always get it right, nor do we always succeed. Let me be clear though, success is different for everyone. And trying to find your definition of success without support from others is an unbreakable burden. What do I mean by that? Well, by choosing to stand alone, you place yourself in isolation, which often leads to a harsh plummet into a desolate existence.
The more time you spend cut-off from the world, the harder it is to pull yourself back up. Having spent years of my life alone, locked in rooms. It's hard to trust others, to interact with others, and throwing up barriers can actually make you more vulnerable. I’m lucky to have a strong support network of family and friends, but when I needed it most, I didn’t leverage it.
I believed asking for help would make me weak, or that people wouldn’t understand my problems. Not only that, I brushed the advice of others who were actively involved in those very situations aside. In doing so, I left painful feelings unaddressed, and neglected suggestions that could have led to a much more positive outcome for me. At this point, you could call this blog post the same old, “just ask for help.” Now I prefer to look at it differently. Most recently, when I worked on my book, “Why is He Still Here?”
I took the lessons learned from my mistakes onboard, in the best way I could. Projects like publishing a book require a lot of resources, and this time I truly used every resource available. It wasn’t a clean and easy path, there were pitfalls, but with the right editors on my side, and my listening to beta-readers, the book came out far better than it ever would have if I sealed myself off.
That’s just one minor example of how accepting help from others and taking their advice onboard can yield great results. Of course, not all advice is good advice, it’s important to recognise toxic individuals; because people who want to take advantage of you do exist. Now I’m not saying be paranoid; that’s what I did. And toxic individuals took advantage of my paranoia. Point is, things aren’t black and white, the right “advice,” is different depending on who you are.
Advice and the support of others are resources for developing resilience. But I’d caution against depending on such things, because it’s your decision to implement that advice and look out for yourself, no one can do that for you.